Hunger
by sweetlemongrass
Summary: My take on what Edward was feeling in that first science class with Bella. Darker. A songfic using Vermilion Part 2 by Slipknot.


**Everybody does songfics about Lips of an Angel or Every time we Touch. Welcome to the realistic side of music. I give you something that I'VE never seen, but now that I think about it, always wanted to do. I give you Hunger. Based off Vermilion Pt. 2 by Slipknot. Note: the italics are the lyrics.  
**

The heartbeats pounded into my ear drums. It was the hellish tattoo of the life my mother subjected me to. It pained me so greatly to hear them everywhere. But what pained me even more was that I wanted them. I wanted every last heartbeat for my own. I wanted to reach inside anyone's chest and pull out that vassal of life. I could hardly "live" with myself knowing that my fiendish cravings that gave me so much pleasure. How could I revel in such debauchery? Through my years of deep depression and sightless wanderings, I could only come to one conclusion. I was a monster.

Pure and simple. Some people are monsters because they don't know better or are just misdirecting their pent up emotions. But me...

I was a monster through and through. I wanted to kill for the pleasure of the sweet life underneath their soft, warm skin. Until she came into my life.

_She seemed dressed in all of me._

Never once did I doubt my existence to be nothing more than an endless purgatory. Even the first time I saw, really the first time I SMELLED her, I thought her to be nothing more than another form of torture in this endless procession of pain and agony. I wanted so badly to drain her dry right there, even in front of our entire science class. There was just a thin barrier of self-control holding me back from killing her. And she was completely oblivious to the fact that a monster was sitting right next to her; plotting a very detailed scene of her death. I was so ashamed of these vile thoughts burning in my mind as hotly as my thirst.

_Stretched across my shame._

The thirst was worse than usual. By god, it was ten-times the sensation I usually felt sitting next to a human. I tried to concentrate on something other than blood or her delicious heartbeat.

_All the torment and the pain leaked through and covered me._

I could hardly keep up the facade of apathy with such an entree sitting mere inches from my ravinous mouth. That's all I thought of her as. An entree. A meal to satiate the never ending anguish of my hunger. Quickly, my thoughts turned away from self-pity and back to her speeding heart beat. It sounded so rich, so full of life. Life that I had been deprived of. I held my breath; trying to hold onto that one ounce of self control.

_I'd do anything to have her to myself._

I'd do anything to have a taste. Just a little taste. Maybe she'd slip, knock her head and lose some blood. She'd didn't seem very coordinated. Anything could happen to someone like her in the wettest/slipperiest place in the continental U.S.

_Just to have her for myself._

But I couldn't do that. Not to my family, and not to her. Who ever she was. An entree. A person. An accident. A human. A meal. Carlisle would understand, he felt the thirst too, at one time. Esme would just feel bad for me. Emmett wouldn't really care. Alice would have all of our clothes picked out for where ever we went, Jasper would follow Alice anywhere and Rosalie would be the only one who actually cared. Only for her own selfish reasons. But this girl was a human, and a person. You can't just kill those without some questions. And IF we would have to leave, there would be too many of those to be safe. I couldn't feed off her. But I wanted to, badly.

_Now I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do..._

Why did this decadent creature have to exist? All she was here to do was to make my worse than the hell I was currently in. For years I had given into my primal nature, feeding of the worst of society but calming the ceaseless burn in my throat. Now, after all these years building up my control, she just rips it all away? What kind of sick joke was this to her?

_And she makes me sad._

I was enraptured by this power she held over me. I was (seemingly) immune to all of the "drama" that plagues the teens of each generation, but she, she held power over ME. For god's sake, I was stronger than a lion! And this small human had found the one weakness and brought me to my knees. If only she knew that I was lusting after something far more dangerous than any of the other males in this very room. She held my force of will in her hands, she didn't even know. I couldn't pay attention to anything going on in the room. My sole focus was on this...person sitting next to me.

_She is everything to me,_

But no matter how much I wished for her to be gone from this reality, she was still right here. Next to me. Her blood was nearly singing to me. It's voice rang into my ears and sent tremors right back down to my throat.

_The song that no one sings._

I couldn't even move the halves of inches that separated us. It was too much. My throat was on fire, my skin was electrified and my venom was twice as corrosive as ever. If I were to move any muscle in my body, death would be upon her in a fraction of a second. If she were the only one in that room, she would already be dead. But that heart of hers was still beating out of control, and I wasn't alone with her. That fact that there were so many witnesses to be dealt with if I were to kill her was just another string that held me to this waning thread of containing my demons. I shouldn't even think of drinking her dry. I couldn't do that to my family, and to hers. I wouldn't even look at her. Her heart was tempting me enough; arrogantly beating away. Trying to coax my true nature out.

_The unattainable._

Maybe she's not really there. No, no. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Of course she's there. But it seems like the only reason she's here is to tempt me. All the rumors about a new student coming was just a dream. This was all just a dream put on by my inner demons trying to get out. But I don't sleep. Damn.

_She's a myth that I have to believe in,_

Her heart continued to beat away. Warming the sweet blood even more than it was already. I could see through that membrane she called her skin and saw the blood flush it red. God, she looked almost as good as she smelled. If she was a just another mountain lion, I wouldn't have a problem in latching onto her neck in front of everybody and feel the thick, liquid iron run down my throat. But she wasn't a mountain lion. She was a human. And with every second sitting next to such a delectable feast, I felt myself slipping closer and closer to my breaking point. She smelled like ambrosia. And I had the source of that scent right next to me. I didn't now if she was a gift, or a horrible curse.

_All I need to make it real, is one more reason._

But I couldn't drink her. She had a family who loved and cared about her. Part of me didn't care. If just her scent could make me react in such a way, what would her blood do to me? Curiosity caught the best of me. I glanced over her in the blink of an eye. Her face was still flushed red. I had to slam my lips shut because of all the venom that nearly came spewing out of it. I wanted her. So badly.

_I don't know what to do._

Dear god, she looked absolutely edible. I wanted that blood. I didn't want her. She was just a personality that made people care. I wanted her blood that rang in my ears sweeter than Clair De Loon. But I didn't want her.

_I don't know what to do, when she makes me sad._

But the venom and the burn were telling me something completely different. Seek her, have her, kill her. It was so simple. I was the hunter, she was my prey. She was a feast to be had. A wondrous feast. I was slipping. I didn't want to betray my family.

_But I won't let this build up inside of me._

Yes, it rang in my head. Yes, one slip is okay.

_I won't let this build up inside of me._

Feed. Feast. Be whole again.

_I won't let this build up inside of me._

I felt the scene unfold beneath me. Grabbing onto her throat I slid my teeth into her throat like any other animal I've hunted.

_A catch in my throat._

Then reality crashed down on upon me again. I was grabbing the table so hard it broke. Before she noticed I pulverized it in my hand and threw it on the floor. I looked back in her direction.

_Choke._

She looked even better than she did a couple seconds ago. My hunger was growing by the second.

_Torn into pieces_

I couldn't. She was still a human. Like I used to be. And her father, Charlie. This was his daughter. I couldn't drain her.

_I won't._

She deserved a life. Those that I had killed before deserved their end.

_**No**_

I couldn't kill her. But the hunger was too great now.

_I don't to be this but..._

Just three more minutes to class. The minute had crept towards its destination. Please I don't want to kill agian.

_I won't let this build up inside of me._

The burn was horrible. I felt like I hadn't eaten in three years, even it was only two weeks. I was usually fine. I could push myself. But now, with a such a meal pounding its little heart out nearly touching me was too much. I needed blood, now.

_I won't let this build up inside of me._

That little part of my head screamed for me just to have a taste, an appetizer of the feast to come. With her as the feast. Just a little drop. Cut her hand, make it look like a paper cut. Just one drop...

_I won't let this build up inside of me._

I almost did it. Just to satisfy the monster, not the hunger. But the bell rang its saving graces. I rushed out of the door. Almost too fast. I was out the door before anyone else. Fully running, I exited the school and ran out to my car. Fumbling with the CD player, I finally got Clair De Loon playing. The gentle melody always calmed me down. But not now. Never in my existence had I ever been so shaken by a HUMAN! She had held me captive in there without even knowing it. I tried to comfort myself now that Clair De Loon was doing a terrible job at it. It's okay, you're out of there. Away from that nightmare.

_She isn't real._

But her scent clung to my every inch. I felt filthy. Like I had just killed someone. But I didn't. She's alive. You made it. I wanted that blood so badly. I wanted to kill an innocent girl for her blood.

_I can't make her real._

It's okay, you're out. You're out. I tried to console myself for something that hadn't even happened. Yet. All I wanted was to get out of here. Somewhere far, far, far away. Away from that delicious girl.

_She isn't real._

I needed to get out of that science class. I couldn't be tempted by her sweet scent anymore or I would do something. I got out of my car and went straight to the front office. I hated the way people looked at me. Like they could see the monster I was. It made me feel so...exposed. Naked. Hated. But there were things to do. I walked up to the receptionist. I made myself look as pleasant as possible, and asked for a switch in classes. I'd make it up some other year, away from her. But she didn't have anything open. I was going to argue my case further, but I smelled her again. Why did she insist on haunting me? Wasn't I in enough pain? I rushed out of the reception office, leaving both her and the receptionist in shock. Good, I thought, they can't be close. I walked right past her, nearly grazing her warm arm. Her warm skin. Her warm blood.

Outside was better, so much better. I smelled the asphalt, the exhaust and...her. Please leave me alone! I nearly cried. My thirst was so bad I nearly ran back inside just to kill her. To drink her dry. But I survived hell a second time. I was out of there. Away, so far away. But she was everywhere, on my clothes, in my mind and in our town. She was everywhere.

Bella.

_I can't make her real..._


End file.
